regret always comes later

i wish i never do that. i wish i could turn back the time. i really wish i can be a normal person who really have a good understanding of what is meant by self-control. oh how i really wish i dont have a bad temper :(

i was so sensitive and it really harms my friendship. i know he is only trying to tease me. and im okay really. please dont get me wrong. id rather be tease everyday than being an enemy to you. if i could turn back the time, i will never complaint of being tease by you. i should never think that you hate me. i know you don't. it's just me being so emotional these days, and i'm so sorry. please take my apology. i regret of ever saying those things to you. i want us to be friends again :) Du bist mein guter Bruder .starting tommorow i know you will not tease me anymore and i would probably miss that. just treat me the same and i won't ever be upset. 

Miley Cyrus - When I Look At You - Live in Portland, OR (Wonder World To...

i have to admit miley is really talented and i wanted to play piano just like her!

for once

for once i wanna be the reason why you cut your hair because i said so
the reason why you buy a shirt because i have the same color
the reason why you read books because i was talking all the time about the story
the reason why you change your favorite food because i like to eat mine
the reason why you buy a flower even though you are allergic just to impress me
the reason why you start love making poems because i love romantic ways to express love
the reason why fall asleep while holding the phone at night
the reason why you love something you used to hate just because i love it
and last,i wanna be the reason why you smile and laugh

because for once, i want to feel needed in your life. i want to become an important person that brings a change. because for once... i want to feel loved

first monday i've been through with my blog. well what could i say, today i arrived at school and got a letter from stacy, my friend i was telling you about in my second blog post, through my friend. when i received it, i immediately sat down in the table without even preparing for the books for my next lesson. i opened the letter carefully as if it was a precious treasure. it was a hallmark one and pink and have a love border. i have to admit, it was the smallest handwriting of her and the neatest one as well. as i read through her letter, i couldn't help but to cry again! and notice that it was really still early in the morning, the lessons are not even starting yet. i know i even promise myself to not ever cry again, but i failed already just this morning. if you're reading this blog, stacy. i want you to know, that you ARE the BEST 'suhu' and i dont want anyone to replace you at all.

during english class, i proposed to the teacher to play an english game so we went on. well, the problem is, my classmates like to tease me. i didn't even care at first, but in the end it bothered and really annoyed me. i mean yes i proposed the game, but they were like threatening if i didn't start making the moves, they dont want to play. i tried my best to make the game works because i dont want to study anymore. my mind just can't take it any longer. i was really upset after they threatened me for more than two times that they don't wanna play and keep on teasing me that my moves were ridiculous. the thing that bothered me the most is my friends whom didnt even bother to help me at all! it was really absurd i felt like they were defending the boys or whatever. i mean, did they even want to play? why are they really silent. uhh for once i felt like really upset. i mean ive been upset so many times in school because of my bad temper and sensitive self, but i've never been this angry before. i am really furious and i even stop the games and let them continue by themselves. im sorry if im bad tempered so easily. i want to change my bad habit but it's hard. but i still can't think clearly, i am not a toy you hideous people. i am not! so dont even think about playing with me anymore. for once i thought im not gonna be able to smile anymore because i am very very upset...

but i know that i have to forgive people if i wanted God to forgive me. well, im gonna say this once and for all. i forgive you my friend but please don't threaten me and play with my feelings. i don't need a friend who's always there when im in my good days yet thought i was invisible when im feeling bad. thanks a lot!

crying helps :')

have you ever encountered problems in life? i think all of us face problems almost everyday. whether it's big or small, it's still a problem you eventually have to face with. when you got a problem, what will you do? you leave it alone or you deal with it? your reactions toward your problem determines what kind of person you are.

when you have a problem, the wise thing to do is to face it. because when you run away, it will not solve your problem. besides, you will never learn how to solve it. sometimes when i face a problem and im not strong enough, i cry. and you know, crying actually helps clear your mind! it just seems like for that moment, you stop thinking and just fully let your emotions run. i cried often and it just makes my heart peaceful afterwards. when i cried suddenly the world stops spinning. "Let your tears come; let them water your soul" i wanna say that crying doesn't always show that you are weak. sometimes you just need to cry to feel better and relieved and eventually you have clearer mind to solve your problems. i know that crying won't solve problems, but the feeling in your heart, the peacefulness helps you to choose the right decision. when the stress and tension get bigger, all you need to do is to just let them out. you know, crying is said to  get rid the toxins in your body.

i do think crying is necessary when you are in a deep stress or tension because it will relieve you and make you feel better. trust me, no need to show people that you are strong enough. sometimes, you just need to break your wall of pride inside of you. and sometimes, you just need that little time to just cry alone and let all your emotions out.

victoriajess

if perfect is what you're searching for, then please just stay the same

im currently inspired by the music Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars. i was amazed by the lyrics of how a boy could praise a girl so highly. i've never seen a man written such an honest song how he was really grateful to have his girlfriend just like that and will never want his girl to change because he was happy with just the way she is . i think i'm gonna fall for a man who's romantic enough by writing a song lyric

the point is, everyone is unique in their own way. no need to change yourself to become somebody you are not! God created us different because He wanted us to fill each other. if we are trying to impress somebody by becoming a person we are not, we will eventually end up becoming a fake person. i mean, there's no point in trying to impress somebody. God created you to live in this earth not to please somebody, but rather to please Him. it's not wrong trying to impress someone, but if you end up becoming someone you are not, believe me you'll end up tired. 

nobody is perfect. everyone has a flaw and it is okay to have some. it's useless to find a perfect girl or a boy to have, because actually their imperfections perfected you! have you ever wondered what benefit does it bring if you have a perfect boyfriend?

everyone is never satisfied with their condition and eventually end up wanting more. as time goes by you will end up tired because the boy is too perfect for you. many relationships failed and the reason is " you are too good for me " doesn't that sound a bit too cheesy? then the better one is to have a relationship with someone you simply love. the flaw in fact fills your days and make it colorful, not just a plain fairy tale where the prince is all handsome and tall and oh so caring just like a perfect man you are dreaming of.

your prince will come someday. the one who accepted you just the way you are, who even accepted your flaws and love you for being yourself. when you become who you are, it's when you are most comfortable with yourself and never let someone turns you down. at the end, being yourself is the best way to live your life


victoriajess

when i find myself disappointed
when i failed trusting someone
when someone turns down on me
and when someone betrays me

i have You, my Father
who will never ever leave me
even in the darkest time of my days
who will always be faithful
staying by my side
keeping me safe and always protect me
who is abounding in love

He will never forsake me
even if i have forsaken Him
who is full of compassion
and very tender loving with kindness
Although i was stubborn,
He will wait with full of grace and mercy
until i believe in Him
who is never tired to forgive me
every time i sin against Him

victoriajess

my obsessions in my own wonderland

i've been always obsessed with having a sharp pointed nose just like all the hollywood actresses. well i didnt blame why i wasn't born that way. i just adore people with sharp pointed nose and i really want one actually.

not many girls play drum, and i want to be one of those lucky girls who don't have to exercise their piano for an hour everyday. well literally speaking, i didn't practice everyday, but at weekends i had to. if i get the chance to play drum, i will do it wholeheartedly

since i was a kid, i find myself admiring the magical world of disneyland. i first got the chance to go there in the year 2008 to Hongkong. just by seeing the parade with all the disney characters made me stand in awe and the disney songs never failed to impress me. not to mention that i was growing older every year, but last summer when i went to tokyo disneyland, i was impressed again and i still have that something in me who wants to have a job in disneyland. unfortunately, my parents didn't let me take hospitality. if i have a job in disneyland, i would probably become the happiest girl. although i'm old in the appearance, but always young at heart.

i'm obsessed with blue. i didn't know if it was a coincidence that i like cinderella and alice, notice that both of them wore blue dresses. and i like donald duck. see, donald duck is also clothed in blue. i love everything in blue colors. they are my favorite

i love shopping. singapore, hongkong, and japan are my next destination for the next trip. well, singapore is the nearest place to my country. last time i went there with my friends, i had such an unforgettable trip. first day i arrived, i spent S$300 only for forever21.

i enjoy reading books more than anything. if i had to choose between hanging out and reading books, i would probably prefer reading books in my room with the blankets all over me. i love the feeling that i'm all secured in my bed and that nobody's gonna distract me.

i enjoy watching movies, eating ice creams, spending some quality times with my friends, laughing and crying at the same time. i appreciate people's effort of making me smile. i'm fond of little kids well if i have kids, i want a boy first then a girl. i simply love sleeping because for that moment, all the problems im having just disappeared. i'm loud and sometimes hyper, but i often find myself silent in the class when i'm not in the mood. not a word could describe who i am. well, i just love this new hobby i'm currently into, writing blogs.

victoriajess

facing the future with God

as teenagers, lots of things change in life. you were not that kid anymore who used to worried only about school works and projects. yes we do grow up and have even bigger problems which we wouldn't probably understand when we were little. for instance, your future. i'm only having a year time before i graduate and i still do not know which major should i take when i will go to university. even my sister, who is two years younger than me has her future planned already from now. and i should feel embarrassed for that because she thinks more mature than i do. the future scares me. because honestly i haven't plan my future, i don't know who will i become or what do i wanna be. everyone has a dream, and i should too.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

this verse truly encourages me and brings me hope. well, who cares about my future? my parents? my family? my friends? teenagers around the world, i want to say this to you and remind all of you that our God, the mighty saviour and our King, has already planned everything good for our future. be not afraid because our Father said, He has plans to give us hope and a future.  Even if i was concerned with my future and didn't know anything to do with it, the most effective way to overcome it is to pray to the Lord. God will give us the spirit and strength to choose the right path because He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us.

well, i think this is the problem most of us are facing when we are about to graduate. the one thing we can't resist to face, our future. our decision will determines us after we finished university. our choice of what major should we take will determine our job, and if it was wrong, then you can't rewind time. Thus, it's very wise to hand our future only in God's hand who will never fail us nor forsake us.

victoriajess

stacy's new beginning for a brand new life in boston. jessica's new beginning to depend on herself

Yesterday on Friday, August 26, 2010, my friend, Stacy left for Boston to continue her highschool. i was feeling rather okay in the morning not realizing that the time flew so fast and suddenly when i went home, it's time for me to get ready for going to the airport. i didnt feel like crying at that time though im so sure that i will shed my tears as soon as i saw her. true, as soon as i arrived at terminal 2E and saw her face i havent seen for 3 days, i cried but i didnt let the others know about this because i didnt want to make any sensation. it was pretty hard for her to leave jakarta at her age leaving all her friends behind and i didnt want to become another burden so i kept quiet. i took some pictures with her because we won't be seeing other for a year...

the girls sending her off in the airport

all of our puffy eyes

stacy and jessica <3

look at how she cried just make me cry again

at the end we all cry not realizing that she was finally leaving. i cried the loudest and i didnt care  if  people were looking because i am actually losing one of my best friend or i could call a sister whom i can always depend on whenever i had a problem. now that she was gone, i had no one like her who can always protect me like a mother to a child. these past 8 months with her brought a change in my life. from just an ordinary life, it turned into a colorful story. a story i could carry on telling other people what an impact she had in my teenage life. stacy, you are indeed an irreplaceable friend i will never ever forget.

 "A memory lasts forever and never does die. True friends stay together and never say good bye"

a new life is waiting for you ahead in boston, and for me i just need to continue my highschool here. although distance part us but our hearts will continue to stay together as long as our friendship grows. thank you for these past 8 months you've spent with me. i realized you need to move on with life and me too! all my prayers are with you, stacy. i will see you in a year time :) at the end, it was time flying too fast. one by one, people will leave by your side, but i believe in true friendship.

victoriajess

my adolescent wonderland

i am currently fifteen years old going on sixteen just in a week :D i was forced to make this blog because my teacher told me so. it's for a project but let's see whether i'll thank him for this or not. through this blog, i wanna share the things i learned and things that happened throughout my teenage life. may my blog brings a blessing and inspires to all of you. cheers, victoriajess